Let me just warn people that this will be the RANT of the CENTURY!!
I CAN’T LOSE WEIGHT. I SWEAR losing weight has got to be the HARDEST thing in the world. IT IS THE BANE OF MY ADULT EXISTENCE. At what point can I just yell at people when everyone wants to offer me “tips” but no one can give me a definitive answer.
“O don’t eat carbs”
“O you should do more cardio”
“Well if you were really clean eating like you said you would see results”
“Maybe you just aren’t working hard enough”
“Just keep trying until you find what works for you”
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!!! I know you think these “words of encouragement” are helpful but this is the kind of ish that makes me want to punch a hole in the wall. Sometimes JUST LET ME RANT, don’t jump to the conclusion that I am a liar. It just furthers my inner thoughts of being a failure and I will no longer be able or have the desire to want to talk to you.
It’s clear for the past 3 years I have been trying all different kinds of stuff trying to find the method that works for me. AND since I haven’t posted a happy update in about a year it’s also pretty clear that nothing is working. The mere fact that I keep trying should be testament to my efforts but it just makes me feel stupid. AM I beating a dead horse over here? A year ago someone told me “maybe you should just accept that you will never be smaller and you are just big boned”. YES SOME IDIOT HAD THE AUDACITY TO SPEAK THESE WORDS OUTLOUD.
But today, after a clear breakdown yesterday, that exact line has come to my head. I can’t find what works and I really want to be able to do this alone. I personally believe gyms are there for profit and not there to help you. 24 hour fitness “master” trainers want to charge $80 per 50 minute session. So if you see them 3x a week for a month that’s $960. A MONTH! That’s like paying rent and that does not include the $45/month just to be a member. (Grand Monthly Total: $1,005)
Yesterday I spoke with one of the master trainers just because he offered to talk to me. (I guess I looked big enough to where he could crush my soul and take my money) According to him 1600 calories a day is way too much for me. Since I don’t have an active job I should be eating less and you know maybe he has a point. BUT THEN I stepped on the scale and the sucker went up to 240 something (WHICH BTW I stepped on the scale on Monday and it was in the 220s) and I immediately started crying. I have no idea what came over me but I completely lost it.
I guess he felt like this was the perfect time to call his boss over and let him accuse me of not wanting this enough because I didn’t want to put the sessions on a credit card. IM SORRY I have responsibilities and how dare you make it seem like I don’t want it enough. Would I like a trainer YES but last time I checked I cannot afford 2 rents a month plus live and eat. This brings me back to the fact that I should be able to do this on my own and for some reason I can’t.
I JUST FEEL DEFEATED.